Josh Burton's Writing Archive for The Heckler

10/24/13- Astros and Mets to sit out 2014 MLB season

3/13/13- Mets sign The Ghost of Manny Ramirez to bolster 2013 outfield

12/3/12- Unsure how to react to good team, Knicks fans boo during wins

11/10/12- Sandy Alderson earns billion-dollar contract extension after getting rid of Jason Bay

11/8/12- Mets fans hold parade to celebrate Jason Bay's departure

10/24/12- After another bad Mark Sanchez performance, Rex Ryan anoints him "Starter for Life"

10/15/12- Mets to replace 2013 home games with Shake Shack eating contests between teams

10/10/12- Knicks' J.R. Smith out for season after tearing muscle at strip club

10/8/12- MLB to black out all 2013 Mets games, even for those at Citi Field

9/27/12- Terry Collins berates Mets for winning when they should be tanking the season

9/18/12- Mets forget to show for Phillies game because they thought season was over already

9/11/12- Collins resigns as Mets' manager to become a librarian in Connecticut

9/9/12- Just for laughs, NFL hires Pee Wee Football referees for 2012 season

9/4/12- Jason Bay retires "on top" after going 3 for his last 5 with a grand slam

8/30/12- Mets shocked with Matt Harvey's early success, thought "they would've already screwed him up somehow"

8/15/12- Mets busted by NYPD for fixing games by losing on purpose

6/22/12- Dickey's one-hitters attributed to conspiracy among umpires, says Buck Showalter

6/21/12- C.C. Sabathia misunderstands 'Subway Series' term, thinks it's an eating competition for Subway sandwiches

5/25/12- AARP emerges as potential buyer of Yankees

4/26/12- Mets officially change team name to Same Old Mets

4/14/12- Mets game viewed as unsafe for young children due to terrible play

4/13/12- Mike D'Antoni hired to coach 5th-grade CYO team in Queens

4/9/12- Mets fan faints from shock after team hits three home runs at Citi Field in one game

4/8/12- Yankees forfeit season after losing first two games

3/25/12- Trampoline sues Joba Chamberlain for jumping on it

3/19/12- Mikhail Prokhorov has David Stern assassinated for not making Magic trade Dwight Howard to Nets

3/2/12- Knicks to rent Jeremy Lin to other storyline-starved teams

2/24/12- Rex Ryan boldly guarantees "at least one win" for Jets next season

2/14/12- Jeremy Lin inducted into NBA Hall of Fame

2/14/12- Giants' bandwagon breaks due to flood of ex-Jets fans

2/6/12- Coughlin after Super Bowl win: "I'll go to Disney World, but I won't enjoy it"

2/6/12- Bill Belichick blames gray sweatshirt for Patriots' Super Bowl loss

1/28/12- Coughlin undergoes 'anti-smile' surgery because he can't stand how playoff wins make him look

1/25/12- Mets petition MLB to let them forfeit this upcoming season

1/12/12- Reliever Jon Rauch to serve as stilt man at Citi Field

1/2/12- To save money, Mets will use just two outfielders at a time next season

12/21/11- GM Sandy Alderson claims success with "perfectly mediocre" Mets roster

12/15/11- Mayor Bloomberg: Watching Knicks games can be unhealthy

12/14/11- After beating Chiefs, Jets resolve "to never lose another game, ever"

12/9/11- Reyes pulls hamstring while signing Marlins contract, returns to Mets with one-year deal

12/5/11- Mets' GM admits he forgot about that "whole free agent-thing" after Reyes signs with Marlins

12/2/11- Islanders revealed to be fake hockey team that exists only on paper

11/26/11- Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez go to therapy to work out issues

11/25/11- To save money, Mets will use school chalk for Citi Field foul lines

11/12/11- Knicks owner admits he created lockout so fans wouldn't have to watch team's horrendous defense

11/6/11-Cubs hold 'Be a Manager for a Year' contest to fill managerial void

10/28/11- Jets fans shocked to learn Fireman Ed actually a plumber from Connecticut

10/22/11- Stern locked out of own bathroom; wife says he "takes too long getting ready for those dumb meetings"

10/14/11- Crayola releases Tom Coughlin-inspired color: 'Pissed-off Red'

10/3/11- Jets offensive coordinator admits he's terrible at his job, thinks "it's pretty funny"

9/22/11- Mets announce players will pay for their own equipment and travel expenses next year

9/19/11- Goodell demotes Jags to UFL after blowout by Jets

9/16/11- Stern signs with Chinese league as NBA talks worsen; Scalabrine named new commissioner

9/10/11- Islanders to hold children's camp to scout local young fighting talent

9/5/11- D'Antoni asks NBA to eliminate defense, change games to "shooting and dunk contests"

8/29/11- Receiver-deprived Giants sign Cris Carter and Shannon Sharpe

8/25/11- Mets acquire Bernie Brewer and a Miller Park greeter to complete K-Rod trade

8/23/11- Mets rookie asks for demotion to Triple-A, citing "lack of fan presence at Citi Field"

6/28/11- ESPN creates new stat that counts number of Met-like, agonizing losses a team has per season

6/23/11- Mets to change team's jersey colors to blue and white to win games like the Yankees

6/15/11- David Einhorn sells minority share of Mets for 10 Shake Shack cheeseburgers

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