Josh Burton's Writing Archive for The Heckler

10/24/13- Astros and Mets to sit out 2014 MLB season
http://www.theheckler.com/2013/10/24/astros-and-mets-to-sit-out-2014-mlb-season/

3/13/13- Mets sign The Ghost of Manny Ramirez to bolster 2013 outfield
http://www.theheckler.com/2013/03/13/mets-sign-the-ghost-of-manny-ramirez-to-bolster-2013-outfield/

12/3/12- Unsure how to react to good team, Knicks fans boo during wins
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/12/03/unsure-how-to-react-to-good-team-knicks-fans-boo-during-wins/

11/10/12- Sandy Alderson earns billion-dollar contract extension after getting rid of Jason Bay
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/11/10/sandy-alderson-earns-billion-dollar-contract-extension-after-getting-rid-of-jason-bay/

11/8/12- Mets fans hold parade to celebrate Jason Bay's departure
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/11/08/mets-fans-hold-parade-to-celebrate-jason-bays-departure/

10/24/12- After another bad Mark Sanchez performance, Rex Ryan anoints him "Starter for Life"
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/10/24/after-another-bad-mark-sanchez-performance-rex-ryan-announces-him-as-starter-for-life/

10/15/12- Mets to replace 2013 home games with Shake Shack eating contests between teams
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/10/15/for-2013-season-and-beyond-mets-to-replace-home-games-with-shake-shack-eating-contests-between-teams/

10/10/12- Knicks' J.R. Smith out for season after tearing muscle at strip club
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/10/10/jr-smith-out-for-season-after-tearing-muscle-at-strip-club/

10/8/12- MLB to black out all 2013 Mets games, even for those at Citi Field
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/10/08/mlb-to-black-out-all-2013-mets-games-even-for-those-at-citi-field/

9/27/12- Terry Collins berates Mets for winning when they should be tanking the season
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/09/27/terry-collins-berates-mets-for-winning-when-they-should-be-tanking-the-season/

9/18/12- Mets forget to show for Phillies game because they thought season was over already
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/09/18/mets-forget-to-show-for-phillies-game-because-they-thought-season-was-already-over/

9/11/12- Collins resigns as Mets' manager to become a librarian in Connecticut
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/09/11/collins-resigns-as-mets-manager-to-become-a-librarian-in-connecticut/

9/9/12- Just for laughs, NFL hires Pee Wee Football referees for 2012 season
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/09/09/just-for-laughs-nfl-hires-pee-wee-football-referees-for-2012-season/

9/4/12- Jason Bay retires "on top" after going 3 for his last 5 with a grand slam
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/09/04/jason-bay-retires-on-top-after-going-3-for-his-last-5-with-a-grand-slam/

8/30/12- Mets shocked with Matt Harvey's early success, thought "they would've already screwed him up somehow"
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/08/30/mets-shocked-with-matt-harveys-early-success-thought-they-wouldve-already-screwed-him-up-somehow/

8/15/12- Mets busted by NYPD for fixing games by losing on purpose
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/08/15/mets-busted-by-nypd-for-fixing-games-by-losing-on-purpose/

6/22/12- Dickey's one-hitters attributed to conspiracy among umpires, says Buck Showalter
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/06/22/dickeys-one-hitters-attributed-to-conspiracy-among-umpires-says-buck-showalter/

6/21/12- C.C. Sabathia misunderstands 'Subway Series' term, thinks it's an eating competition for Subway sandwiches
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/06/21/cc-sabathia-misunderstands-subway-series-term-thinks-its-an-eating-competition-for-subway-sandwiches/

5/25/12- AARP emerges as potential buyer of Yankees
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/05/25/aarp-emerges-as-potential-buyer-of-yankees/

4/26/12- Mets officially change team name to Same Old Mets
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/04/26/mets-officially-change-team-name-to-same-old-mets/

4/14/12- Mets game viewed as unsafe for young children due to terrible play
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/04/14/mets-games-viewed-as-unsafe-for-young-children-due-to-terrible-play/

4/13/12- Mike D'Antoni hired to coach 5th-grade CYO team in Queens
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/04/13/mike-dantoni-hired-to-coach-5th-grade-cyo-team-in-queens/

4/9/12- Mets fan faints from shock after team hits three home runs at Citi Field in one game
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/04/09/mets-fan-faints-from-shock-after-team-hits-three-home-runs-at-citi-field-in-one-game/

4/8/12- Yankees forfeit season after losing first two games
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/04/08/yankees-forfeit-season-after-losing-first-two-games/

3/25/12- Trampoline sues Joba Chamberlain for jumping on it
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/03/25/trampoline-sues-joba-chamberlain-for-jumping-on-it/

3/19/12- Mikhail Prokhorov has David Stern assassinated for not making Magic trade Dwight Howard to Nets
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/03/19/mikhail-prokhorov-has-david-stern-assassinated-for-not-making-magic-trade-dwight-howard-to-nets/

3/2/12- Knicks to rent Jeremy Lin to other storyline-starved teams
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/03/02/knicks-to-rent-jeremy-lin-to-other-storyline-starved-teams/

2/24/12- Rex Ryan boldly guarantees "at least one win" for Jets next season
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/02/24/rex-ryan-guarantees-at-least-one-jets-win-next-season/

2/14/12- Jeremy Lin inducted into NBA Hall of Fame
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/02/14/jeremy-lin-inducted-into-nba-hall-of-fame/

2/14/12- Giants' bandwagon breaks due to flood of ex-Jets fans
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/02/14/giants-bandwagon-breaks-due-to-flood-of-ex-jets-fans/

2/6/12- Coughlin after Super Bowl win: "I'll go to Disney World, but I won't enjoy it"
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/02/06/coughlin-after-super-bowl-win-ill-go-to-disney-world-but-i-wont-enjoy-it/

2/6/12- Bill Belichick blames gray sweatshirt for Patriots' Super Bowl loss
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/02/06/bill-belichick-blames-gray-sweatshirt-for-patriots-super-bowl-loss/

1/28/12- Coughlin undergoes 'anti-smile' surgery because he can't stand how playoff wins make him look
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/01/28/coughlin-undergoes-anti-smile-surgery-because-he-cant-stand-how-playoff-wins-make-him-look/

1/25/12- Mets petition MLB to let them forfeit this upcoming season
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/01/25/mets-petition-mlb-to-let-them-forfeit-the-upcoming-season/

1/12/12- Reliever Jon Rauch to serve as stilt man at Citi Field
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/01/12/reliever-jon-rauch-to-serve-as-stilt-man-at-citi-field/

1/2/12- To save money, Mets will use just two outfielders at a time next season
http://www.theheckler.com/2012/01/02/to-save-money-mets-will-use-just-two-outfielders-at-a-time-next-season/

12/21/11- GM Sandy Alderson claims success with "perfectly mediocre" Mets roster
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/12/21/gm-sandy-alderson-claims-success-with-perfectly-mediocre-mets-roster/

12/15/11- Mayor Bloomberg: Watching Knicks games can be unhealthy
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/12/15/mayor-bloomberg-watching-knicks-games-can-be-unhealthy/

12/14/11- After beating Chiefs, Jets resolve "to never lose another game, ever"
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/12/14/after-beating-chiefs-the-jets-resolve-to-never-lose-another-game-ever-no-matter-the-circumstances/

12/9/11- Reyes pulls hamstring while signing Marlins contract, returns to Mets with one-year deal
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/12/09/reyes-pulls-hamstring-while-signing-marlins-contract-returns-to-mets-with-1-year-deal/

12/5/11- Mets' GM admits he forgot about that "whole free agent-thing" after Reyes signs with Marlins
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/12/05/jose-reyes-signs-with-the-marlins-mets-gm-sandy-alderson-i-guess-i-forgot-about-that-free-agent-thing/

12/2/11- Islanders revealed to be fake hockey team that exists only on paper
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/12/02/islanders-revealed-to-be-fake-hockey-team-that-exists-only-on-paper/

11/26/11- Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez go to therapy to work out issues
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/11/26/rex-ryan-and-mark-sanchez-go-to-therapy-to-work-out-issues/

11/25/11- To save money, Mets will use school chalk for Citi Field foul lines
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/11/25/to-save-money-mets-will-use-school-chalk-for-citi-field-foul-lines/

11/12/11- Knicks owner admits he created lockout so fans wouldn't have to watch team's horrendous defense
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/11/12/knicks-owner-admits-he-created-lockout-so-fans-wouldnt-have-to-watch-teams-horrendous-defense/

11/6/11-Cubs hold 'Be a Manager for a Year' contest to fill managerial void
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/11/06/cubs-hold-be-manager-for-a-year-contest-to-fill-managerial-void/

10/28/11- Jets fans shocked to learn Fireman Ed actually a plumber from Connecticut
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/10/28/jets-fans-shocked-to-learn-fireman-ed-actually-a-plumber-from-connecticut/

10/22/11- Stern locked out of own bathroom; wife says he "takes too long getting ready for those dumb meetings"
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/10/22/stern-locked-out-of-own-bathroom-wife-says-he-takes-too-much-time-getting-ready-for-those-dumb-meetings/

10/14/11- Crayola releases Tom Coughlin-inspired color: 'Pissed-off Red'
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/10/14/crayola-releases-tom-coughlin-inspired-color-pissed-off-red/

10/3/11- Jets offensive coordinator admits he's terrible at his job, thinks "it's pretty funny"
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/10/03/jets-offensive-coordinator-admits-hes-terrible-at-his-job-thinks-its-pretty-funny/

9/22/11- Mets announce players will pay for their own equipment and travel expenses next year
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/09/22/mets-announce-players-will-pay-for-their-own-equipment-and-travel-expenses-next-year/

9/19/11- Goodell demotes Jags to UFL after blowout by Jets
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/09/19/goodell-demotes-jags-to-ufl-after-blowout-by-jets/

9/16/11- Stern signs with Chinese league as NBA talks worsen; Scalabrine named new commissioner
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/09/16/david-stern-signs-with-chinese-league-as-nba-talks-worsen-scalabrine-named-new-commissioner/

9/10/11- Islanders to hold children's camp to scout local young fighting talent
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/09/10/islanders-to-hold-childrens-camp-to-scout-local-young-fighting-talent/

9/5/11- D'Antoni asks NBA to eliminate defense, change games to "shooting and dunk contests"
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/09/05/dantoni-asks-nba-to-eliminate-defense-change-games-to-shooting-and-dunk-contests/

8/29/11- Receiver-deprived Giants sign Cris Carter and Shannon Sharpe
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/08/29/receiver-deprived-giants-sign-cris-carter-and-shannon-sharpe/

8/25/11- Mets acquire Bernie Brewer and a Miller Park greeter to complete K-Rod trade
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/08/25/mets-acquire-bernie-the-brewer-and-a-miller-park-fan-greeter-to-complete-k-rod-trade/

8/23/11- Mets rookie asks for demotion to Triple-A, citing "lack of fan presence at Citi Field"
http://www.theheckler.com/2011/08/23/mets-rookie-asks-for-demotion-to-triple-a-citing-lack-of-fan-presence-at-citi-field/



6/28/11- ESPN creates new stat that counts number of Met-like, agonizing losses a team has per season


6/23/11- Mets to change team's jersey colors to blue and white to win games like the Yankees

6/15/11- David Einhorn sells minority share of Mets for 10 Shake Shack cheeseburgers

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